


Comfortable

by rebeldiamonds



Category: Rise (TV 2018)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-09 10:11:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14714094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebeldiamonds/pseuds/rebeldiamonds
Summary: “You go out there, and you do whatever version of this scene you’re comfortable with.”Comfortable. Simon turned that word over in his head for a bit and wondered just exactly what that meant for him.





	Comfortable

**Author's Note:**

> I felt there was a scene missing between when Simon talks to Mr. M about the scene and the scene itself so here is something I imagine could have happened. Also this was written very quickly so there are probably typos. Sorry.

“You go out there, and you do whatever version of this scene you’re comfortable with.”

Comfortable. Simon turned that word over in his head for a bit and wondered just exactly what that meant for him. He always took comfort in his family and his religion, but since he started the show he wondered if comfort was really what he had been feeling. If he wasn’t comfortable kissing Jeremy for their scene why had he kissed back when the other boy had kissed him in the parking lot? Why did his own gaze always seem to settle on him during rehearsals even when their characters weren’t interacting? 

He had told Mr. Mazzu that he thought he could power through it because it would just be acting, but the closer he got to actually doing the scene made him realize it might not be just acting. 

He knew the word that encompassed everything he was feeling. Fear. 

Fear of what his father would think. His mother. His God. It dawned on him then that his fear wasn’t the act itself, but the repercussions of it. And that revelation told him more about himself than he was ready for. 

They finally reached intermission and back in the Drama room the atmosphere was electric. Everyone was high on the performance and the fact that they hadn’t been shut down yet. Simon wanted to be able to be happy with them, but instead he kept to the back of the room and took a seat away from the rest of the troupe. His thoughts kept swirling as he continued to think about Mr. Mazzu’s words to him earlier. It was nice to have the option of going back to the edited scene if that was what he wanted, but as soon as he was given the option he just had to wonder if that was really what he wanted to do. 

He was stuck in the mental cycle running through his options when he felt someone come up to stand next to him.

“If you think any harder your head might implode,” Jeremy said with a soft smile. It was obvious he was worried, but was trying to keep the peace and not push Simon too much.

Simon gestured to the chair next to him and Jeremy took the offering, glad to not be pushed away again. 

“What’s wrong Simon?”

Simon took in a breath trying to muster the words he needed to say.

“I’m sorry. I don’t think I can do our scene the way we’re supposed to.”

Jeremy nodded his head slowly. “Your parents are here,” he stated simply. 

Simon nodded. “I just can’t do that to my family. I thought I could just push through it and act, but …”

“But that’s just it,” Jeremy said simply. “It’s acting right? It doesn’t mean anything,” he finished sadly. 

Simon felt the urge to grab Jeremy’s hand and tell him that wasn’t true. But he sat still.

“I guess… But still,” Simon was struggling with the words to say. It was hard to tell someone else how you were feeling when you couldn’t even understand yourself. 

“Listen,” Jeremy said as he turned to face Simon. “It’s okay. I get it. We live in Stanton it isn’t like they are the most liberal thinking people. The petition showed us that enough. You don’t have to kiss me up there,” he finished looking at Simon thoughtfully. He let out a soft laugh before continuing. “I am not going to make you kiss me again. Been there done that right.”

Simon thought again about their kiss a few weeks ago. Had it really been that long ago?

“I’m sorry about that,” Jeremy stated simply. “It was impulsive and weird and I shouldn’t have just… Done it like that,” he finished looking down at his hands that he was wringing together. “I had a really easy time coming to terms with my sexuality and my family was really great about it for the most part, but I forget that everyone has to do things in their own time,” Jeremy said looking at Simon before his eyed widened. “Not that you are or anything. I just know when we talked the other day you had said you were having different feelings and just… Ah I’m making a mess of this.”

Simon thought for a moment before answering. “Thank you. It’s all right.” 

Jeremy’s shoulders seemed to relax. “Ok. So we go back to the edited version, right? No kiss.”

“Yeah,” Simon replied hollowly. 

“Ok see you out there Simon,” Jeremy said as he got up to rejoin the troupe. 

And just like that Simon had his out. He talked with his scene partner and they agreed to go back to the edited scene. 

So why didn’t he feel relieved?

Jeremy had told him that everyone had to do things in their own time. Maybe now was his time. 

“Everyone. 5 minutes. We have to get back to our places,” Jolene said from the front of the room. 

As everyone piled back out to the stage, Simon still hadn’t made up his mind. He had been scared to do the original scene, but the thought of doing the edited version made his stomach turn. 

Once the show ramped back up Simon kept finding his gaze wondering over to Jeremy and every time the other would give him an understanding nod. It was during Totally Fucked that Simon had his epiphany. There was just something about that number. The reckless abandon and jumping around the stage made him feel free. Simon enjoyed that feeling. He was full of adrenaline and joy and knew exactly what he was going to do. 

Now was his time.


End file.
